ELECTION '08

The rumor floating around NYC is that there is some sort of election happening. There is a black liberal elitist, who loves big government and wants to turn America into one large socialist regime running against an egomaniacal, white moderate that is pretending to be conservative and covertly racist, so he can rally his enraged base. I think maybe I have some things to say about this charade of an election.

I have this list serve I am a part of (for good or ill is TBD), where a few of my friends from college share news links, utube videos (that I never watch), and jokes about each other. This is fun sometimes, but because it’s virtual, you never know how serious someone is, and sometimes that translates into ill will. I bring this up because it reminds me of John McCain and Sarah Palin.

Sarah Palin and John McCain are losing. Even the most conservative estimates have them losing in key battleground states and 5 points nationally. They have been losing ever since their GOP convention and the subsequent economic dive our country has taken. Obviously, the economy is in serious trouble, and all the masquerading McCain did (suspending his race to help out, then appearing on NYC news shows to campaign before returning to Washington and actually fucking the new economic bill up) helped lead to his downfall in the polls.


Sarah Palin did little to help when she appeared on Katie Couric and sounded like an airhead that is barely fit to run a state (where she can keep an eye on the Russians) let alone a superpower country. What does this have to do with the list serve I am a part of?

Well because the list serve is just over the internet and not in person, irony and sarcasm are hard to see. If someone says something about someone else (like Palin saying that Obama: “Pals around with terrorists”), it’s hard to tell if they are fucking around, or if they actually believe this. Now, my college buddies are a very close knit group, and it’s good that we are because this type of confusion can lead to some awkward messages all around. Well, John McCain and Sarah Palin aren’t fucking around on the internet with their friends from college. They are running for the highest office in the land.

So when they blatantly disregard something they have said in the past, this is cause for concern. When their supporters are throwing the N word around like it is 1856, then maybe they need to step up and say: “That’s not appropriate.” McCain tried to hold his audiences anger in check during a recent rally, and he was actually booed for doing so. But, Palin, is either too stupid, or too stubborn to admit when she fucks up. When she made the claim that Obama pals around with terrorists, she was referring to the Bill Ayers story. It has been well documented that Bill Ayers and Obama know each other, but the famous 1960’s weatherman is not a part of his campaign and has never been. He is a respected teacher at the esteemed University of Chicago.

The “Pals around with terrorists” comment has been recycled add-nausea by our 24 hour news cycle, but here is what is really disturbing to me. My friends and I are all idiots. I say this with much love, but all of us have, at most, a broad understanding of the world around us and no insight into the details of any given argument. We are not running for President. Shouldn’t the Presidential and Vice Presidential candidates have more than a remedial understanding of the truths and lies perpetuated by the media? Shouldn’t everyone associated with such a high level of government?

Is it too much to ask of our nominees, on both sides of the political aisle, to be intelligent? To be the crème de la crème of American society? I remember in 2000, I was a senior in high school, and even though I was occasionally taking Acid on the weekends, I still knew that Dubya was a fuckin’ idiot and we were screwed. In 2004, I was in college no longer in an Acid daze, and I knew that Dubya was an idiot, and we were screwed. I was right on both fronts. I hate to say I told you so, but I fuckin’ told you so. A LOT of people voted for Bush because he was providing a lot of wealthy people huge tax breaks as opposed to Kerry. But, he was still an idiot. Keep that in mind this year.

One of my friends sent me and the rest of our list serve an email. This is William Wallace’s email in its entirety:


now i get politcal on yo asses....


I'm not sure where this comes from originally. And I'm not sure if it implies the democrats just don't know how to run an aggressive campaign or if they're just taking the high road and not playing in the mud.


Consider Obama/Biden vs McCain/Palin:

What if...

What if things were switched around? Think about it... Would the country's collective point of view be different? How much does racism influence our opinions? Ponder some of the following:

What if the Obamas had paraded five children across the stage, including a three-month-old infant and an unwed, pregnant teenage daughter?

What if John McCain was a former president of the Harvard Law Review, while Barack Obama finished fifth from the bottom of his graduating class?

What if McCain had only married once, and Obama was a divorcee?

What if Obama was the candidate who left his first wife after a severe disfiguring car accident, when she no longer measured up to his standards?

What if Obama had met his second wife in a bar and had a long affair while he was still married?

What if Michelle Obama was the wife who not only became addicted to pain killers but also acquired them illegally through her charitable organization?

What if Cindy McCain graduated from Harvard?

What if Obama had been a member of the Keating Five? (The Five were the United States Senators accused of corruption in 1989, igniting a major political scandal as part of the largest Savings and Loan crisis of the late 1980s and early 1990s.)

What if McCain was a charismatic, eloquent speaker, while Obama couldn't read from a teleprompter?

What if Obama was the one who had military experience that included discipline problems and a record of crashing seven planes?
What if Obama was the one who was known to display publicly, on many occasions, a serious anger management problem?

What if Michelle Obama's family had made their money from beer distribution?
What if the Obamas had adopted a white child?

You could easily add to this list. If these questions reflected reality, do you really believe the election numbers would be as close as they are? Would a black McCain even be allowed to be a politician much less a potential leader of our country?

This is what racism does. It covers up, rationalizes and minimizes positive qualities in one candidate and emphasizes negative qualities in another when there is a color difference.

Educational Background:
Barack Obama: Columbia University - B.A. Political Science with a Specialization in International Relations. Harvard - Juris Doctor (J.D.) Magna Cum Laude
Joseph Biden: University of Delaware - B.A. in History and B.A. in Political Science. Syracuse University College of Law - Juris Doctor (J.D.)

VS.

John McCain: United States Naval Academy - Class rank: 894 of 899
Sarah Palin: Hawaii Pacific University - 1 semester; North Idaho College - 2 semesters, general study; University of Idaho - 2 semesters, journalism; Matanuska-Susitna College - 1 semester; University of Idaho - 3 semesters, B.A. in Journalism

Education isn't everything, of course, but this is about the two highest offices in the land as well as our standing in the world. Should our presidents have some proper political education, or just have the right connections with the lobbyists and special interest groups? You make the call…


Now, William Wallace is one of the smartest people I know. He is working on his PhD in some weird physics sub-topic that deals with Nanotechnology. I spoke with his brother and even he didn’t know what the proper title was. Anyway, William Wallace (sometime contributor) basically just outlined the differences between the Democrats and the Republicans from a purely educational and personal stand-point. Guess who won that battle?

Republicans like to harp on all the liberal whores in the media and how Republicans are morally superior, but that just isn’t the case when you look at it objectively. I haven’t even mentioned all the corruption that has befallen the Republican representatives and senators who didn’t make it into office in 2006 when Democrats took back control of the legislature (then again Nancy Pelosi makes me retch with contempt too). But, that’s just me going off on a tangent. The simple matter is: “Republicans is stupid.”

Can we please just have a smart President? Can we? Maybe if we are lucky, the smart guy (as seen from the above William Wallace email) will get elected, and he won’t get a Blow Job from an intern in the White House this time.

Politics is a complicated game. As an elected official, do you go with your gut? Do you go with what your advisors tell you? Do you take the mandate from your constituents or do you do the unpopular thing because you know it is right? As constituents, do you elect an individual that you might not agree with, but you trust him to use his judgment and make the right decision regardless of what the majority of the country believes? Or, do you elect someone that matches up with you ideologically and on the individual issues they can affect? These are all complicated questions that every voter of every creed should be asking themselves.

Only about 50% of Americans vote. This is a lethargy that is astounding compared to the rest of the world and especially so since so many Americans died for this right. The reason is that people just don’t care. Why should they? Historically, we are talking about a choice between two evils. Who is the lesser of the two? This year is different though. Make a choice and make your vote count. All you have to do is pull the lever, and then you can talk shit for the next four years. That’s why I am doing it.



YES WE CAN!

Something to hold you over: Ramblings

I am writing a somewhat long post (eek) on the political election (double eek) that I hear is a pretty big deal. Yes, it will be decidely partisan, so when Bill O'Reilly invites me on his no-spin zone, I will spin the crap out of the posting. Something to hold you over until I post that essay this weekend, I am including some ramblings:

Another reason why men are idiots: we think some "good fuckin'" entails five minutes of jack-hammering a girl from behind like we are trying to quickly rub one out before work.

Greg Oden is decrepit and the franchise formerly known as the Supersonics made the right decision in drafting skin and bones: Kevin Durant.

Chris Paul is better than Deron Williams. I hope that is settled.

Lebron James is not better than Kobe Bryant. There, I hope that is settled.

Jon Stewart informs a larger segment of my generation than any of the other news programs combined.

John McCain can still win the election, and hopefully no one stays home on Tuesday (whoops that was political--sorry last time in this post).

The decision of Bud Selig to suspend the World Series game on Monday night means nothing to me. I don't like baseball, and if the Yanks, Mets or the Sawx aren't playing neither do my friends (ahem bandwagon alert).

I am never writing another glowing post about the Bills until we WIN the Super Bowl. In other words, you will never see another Bills posting.

Adderall should be given to anyone that likes to write and doesn't like eating.

British people sound smarter because of their accents. The accent also covers up the fact 65% of them are full of shit.

Doesn't anyone remember we are at war still? I never read about Iraq anymore.

I am glad my girlfriend is not considering going as Sarah Palin on Halloween. I would not enjoy hate fucking her with a knife at her throat (sorry if that was too much baby).

I hope Charles Barkley makes more suicide jokes in response to Isiah Thomas.

Isiah Thomas is so incompetent he couldn't even kills himself properly. I bet you he is impotent too.

Mike D'Antoni, David Lee, Nate Robinson. Those are the only reasons I am catching any Knicks games this year. Patrick Ewing Jr would have been the 4th, but he was cut.

Watch Trueblood on HBO with a lady friend. Trust me, I haven't encountered an aphrodisiac that strong since some ecstasy I took from Miami.

People who ignore Halloween, but get super excited for Christmas and Thanksgiving, probably also eat babies. This is fact.

If you are an attractive woman, please don't dress demurely on Halloween. You are doing a disservice to yourself and your communities.

Any time someone says something seriously, but then claims they were joking around, I am now calling it "pulling a Palin."

If you don't vote on Tuesday next week, DO NOT EVER talk politics with me ever again, and do not criticize this government no matter who wins. You are the worst kind of people. (Sorry that was two political rambles in a row--you can obviously see where my head is at).

Clint Eastwood is the fuckin' man. There is no disputing this, well except that movie: True Crime.

If you live in Boston and you don't follow the Celtics, I feel very sorry for you.

Steve Nash will never make it to the NBA finals.

Shaq will play in Europe next year for close to $50 million and a 151 ft. private yacht at his disposable in the Mediterranean.

Steve Nash will briefly play for the NY/NJ Metrostars MLS team when he retires from the NBA in three years.

Man Rule #2946: Ordering a Vodka and Soda at the bar is OK....as long as you order 5-10 more within the next hour and a half.

Keyser Söze is still my favorite character in movies.

Anyone that thinks watching Sex in the City will help them understand women is a moron, and probably needs to be on a GOP ticket somewhere.

When I say: Demi Moore was hot in GI Jane, I really mean, boobs, boobs, boobs, fighting, boobs. Hmmmmmm.

Every now and then, it's OK to have a serious conversation, just make sure everyone else can actually handle it.

My single friends might find a new girl to fuck every weekend (in fact I hope they do), and they might even bag some women on the weekdays, or have a fuck buddy. They still aren't gonna have as much sex as me, and it certainly won't be as good. Sorry fellas.

I think that Barack Obama talks like Shaft when he is in the bedroom with Michelle.

I think McCain sounds like the homosexual from Eastern Promises when he is in the bedroom with anyone.

I want the picture below to be my next tattoo, and normally I would be worried my friends would call me pretentious, which is just their snarky way of saying: "Fuck, I wish I could be an individual like you!" but I hardly ever see most of them anymore, so I am just gonna go ahead and get the tattoo when I get some cash:


The chances of this blog being picked up by a publisher for a book--2%
The chances I kill myself from lack of publishing credit before my 50th birthday--40%
The chances Michael Cera would sleep with my girlfriend--65.32%

The Buffalo Sabres are doing well and no one cares including me. It's a long season, and the NHL is on the Versus betwork for fuck's sake.

Lebron needs to win a NBA title before he becomes a global icon. Once he leads the NY Knicks to the NBA title in 2011, he will be an actual global icon.

I just don't find Reese Witherspoon, Kristen Dunst, or Pamela Anderson that attractive. Maybe Pamela ten years ago or even five, but as of today they all look like the bottom of my boots.

I think Pink would be a good fuck though and so would Scarlett Johansson.

When did Ryan Reynolds start scoring such hot ass? I think it was after the underrated movie: Waiting.

OK--I hope that holds you degenerates over. I know that you have all been emailing me constantly to update the blog, but just settle down and all will happen in good time. Also a quick shout out to my homies in Sweden and Australia. I love being global.

My typical reader

Recently, I posted my first entry in close to three weeks. I got a few normal inquiries as to when it would be updated, so I kind of threw the posting together hodge podge. Well, my good friend from Cali sent me an email that perfectly summarizes my readership's ambitions and desires.

The title of the email was:
Am I Loser....

and the body of the email continued the question:

....when I religously bring in 20 pages of Bills news to the shitter at work and hold the record time of 35 minutes on the can?

....when I spend an hour at work searching for pictures of Ralph Wilson Stadium becuase it makes me happy?

....when I get caught picking my ass waiting for the bus by two hot chicks in a BMW and don't give a fuck about it?

....when I didn't take one shot at the bills bar sunday, but drank 8 Blue's and a bloody yet I feel like I was being good?

I was going to email you today about updating your blog becuase its the only way I have of knowing you're alive....I just checked it and you've updated it. This is a good thing.

Go Bills. 5-1? What the fuck? Where am I?

To answer my readers question: No my friend, you are not a loser, you are merely one of the last in a dying breed: men, who are men, and refuse to apologize for the their borderline insane man behavior. Keep up the good work Cali.

Now, I have thousands of readers at this point, but that email was probably the greatest one I have ever received. The bar has been set, it's up to you, readers, to top it.

Getting Caught up on a lost 20 days

Three weeks and I haven't even glanced at this blog. What have I been doing? Not much. I actually have a real job, so I guess I was doing that. Anyways, it was brought to my attention that I am a chump and don't update this enough. Let's get caught up on all the relevant news in the last three weeks, but in typical blog fashion.

Obama seems to be winning, but aside from the Bradley effect derailing him with all those covert racists, I am more confident than I should be. I still don't feel comfortable, but I assume a lot of people don't.
He might become the coolest motherfucking President ever as evidenced by his look during the last two debates.

Plus, he can get along with white people I guess:

A half black Democrat with a middle name of Hussein is leading in the National Polls for the highest elected position in the land, and the Buffalo Bills are 5-1 and leading their division. What the fuck?

Print publishing continues to do really fuckin' badly. Maybe I should take this blog thing a little more serious.

The Red Sox lost...yawn.

The Giants lost...yea! but then they won...boo.

I had my first sober fall Sunday when the Bills had a bye.

I discovered that the proper age for women to stop giving hand jobs to a guy is 18.

Angelina Jolie is going to adopt more kids with some guy named Brad.

The friends on my daily list serve are much smarter than me. It becomes glaringly obvious each succeeding day.

The Buffalo Sabres are atop the Eastern Conference. Shaking my head in disbelief.

Tony Romo is not as tough as Brett Favre.

Salman Rushdie rode my local 6 train the other day, but I did not see him. I think he found one of my old manuscripts under his feet and that is what he is looking at.

Christina Aquilera is not Latin at all, but her breasts are very nice.

Of my original 3 super hero powers, only one remains. I will let my millions of readers decide which one that is.

Solipsism is impossible to avoid in a blog.

NFL Football continued

I am not going to be talking about the Bills at all in this post...OK only a little. No need to jinx this season so, I will refrain from any mention of them except to say this: The Harp Bar in Boston, MA is easily the craziest, most jubilant Bills Backers Bar in the nation. It far surpassed the two McFadden Bills Backers Bars I have been too (DC and NYC). If you click on the link though, the Harp Bar doesn't mention anything about this Bills fan convention. I went to the Harp Bar this past weekend, and there must have been close to 400 Bills fans in attendance and in the streets. A guy I was talking too even told me and Voldemort that the Buffalo Jills (pictured above) showed up to Harp for a promotion earlier this year. There was free food at half time, $10 pitchers of Labatt Blue, some old friends from high school just happened to be there, and even Voldemort (a die hard Pats fan) had an incredible time. Moving to Boston just got a whole lot more feasible after that incredible experience. Gotta give props to Voldemort for being cool enough to bring me there, even though I know he was yearning for a breaking news story about Tom Brady's return.


Now on to more important things. The NFL is starting to look like a crap shoot for every team. The game I caught before the Bills, Cardinals vs. Jets turned into a shoot out of epic proportions with Favre tossing 6 touchdowns and making Laveranues Coles look like Jerry Rice. Kurt Warner recovered from a 2nd quarter in hell (the Jets scored 34 unanswered points and forced him into numerous turnovers--three INT and three fumbles), to throw for 472 yards and 2 touchdowns to get Arizona back into the game, and give Jets/Mets fans another reason to hire an investment banker to plan their suicide (get it investment banker? financial crisis?). Favre responded with another 22 points in the 4th quarter and hopefully silenced those idiots (me), who believed he was going to be a bust. Congratulations on Favre Jets fans, but after becoming a recent Met fan, I cannot express empathy over what transpired in the last month. That would be disingenuous, since I have not bleed with you for the long haul (86?). I will however continue to cheer them on. Hopefully next year they will trim some fat in their line-up and pick up another top pitcher. As they say about the Bills in Western New York, "Here's to next year."

Doesn't Herm (pictured below) seem like he is constipated after he losses? Jets fans know what I am talking about.
Another big game this weekend was Kansas City-Denver. You heard that right, Kansas City and Denver turned out to be quite the game. It answered two questions in my mind: 1) Was Denver overrated coming off of three close games they won to start the season (including the infamous Houchuli game)? The answer was definitively YES. They lack any defensive presence whatsoever as my fantasy running back, Larry Johnson, gave me a boner every time I checked his stats (note to my friend Papawawa--I will try not to include too many fantasy mentions because I know how much you hate Kornheiser). 2) Is Herm Edwards going to be the next Lane Kiffin and Scott Linehan? Not for now, but the former Jet coach seems horribly out of his element in KC, and Damon Huard is certainly not the answer.

Smile Jeff, you're 4-0 and your QB hasn't killed himself yet

Aside from the Giants, who had a bye week, and the aforementioned Bills (crossing my fingers), the only other team to remain unbeaten after week four was Tennessee. Let me repeat the last clause of that sentence: the only other team to remain unbeaten after week four was Tennessee. After the Vince Young suicide watch (he's not even a Bills or Mets fan?) and a healthy dose of Jeff Fisher quotes about his "used to be prodigal son starting QB of the future," no one really noticed that they hadn't lost. I certainly didn't. They have beaten a good Jags team on an off week, then followed that up with Cincy and Houston demolishings that were only noteworthy for the continued crappy play of Carson, TJ, and Ocho Cinco, and a Houston team I haven't cared about since Frank Reich ruined Warren Moon's hall of fame career. Then Tennessee beat an incredibly overrated Minnesota team that better get a quarterback before Adrian Peterson blows out his knee, or signs with another team with a real QB (Gus Ferotte seriously?).

In other NFL news, Kiffin was just fired and Al Davis has replaced Ralph Wilson as the most senile owner in the league (Ralph, I just need you to poop in a urinal at your stadium to regain #1--yes we can!). Al's press conference yesterday after the firing is probably going to make it onto one of those Coors Light commercials, and I can't wait.


The Skins beat the Cowboys and TO acted like a bitch again. Same old same old with that guy, but the NFC East is by far the most dominant division in football, and I suspect all four teams should be in the NFC playoffs, but only three can go. My pick to be left out: Philly if only because my sister lives there.

The Pittsburgh Steelers played as ugly as their surrounding community in Pennsylvania and barely hung on to win against Baltimore, which doesn't say much about the Steelers chances once it gets to playoff time. Cleveland beat Cincy yawn...neither team is very good, and I can't wait until Brady Quinn fails in Cleveland so those stupid commercials stop. New Orleans beat JT O'Sullivan and San Fran and Drew Brees continues to make me look like a fantasy stud (even though that's an oxymoron). Green Bay lost to Tampa Bay in the battle of the Bays and Green Bay residents realized, "Uh Oh, Rodgers is not Favre." Brian Griese returned to earth with 3 interceptions but Tampa Bay still beat the Packers behind some tenacious (Warren Sapp years) defense. Carolina beat Atlanta and Jacksonvile continued to come back from a terrible start to the season against Houston, but no one really gives a shit about those games except fans in those cities, and I bet they are bored too.

The Chargers cost Lane Kiffen his job by destroying him in the 4th quarter yet again, when the Raiders lost. Weighing in on this Lane Kiffen firing, I heard on PTI that Kiffen was effectively banned from any defensive meetings by Davis, and it was the defense that gave up all those points in the 4th quarter against Buffalo and San Diego. Seems it was not the youngsters fault, but again Al Davis is a crazy ol' coot.

This should have probably been an interesting outcome when Chicago beat Philly, but Kyle Orton is a joke, and Philly is in the toughest division in football with one of the most fragile quarterbacks, so I don't really see them doing much of anything. All in all, I am glad I was asleep on the Bus to NY when this game went down because I am yawning just writing about it.

That's it. I will now attempt to un-jinx the Bills after that first paragraph by linking to this story about my favorite NFL player: Travis Henry. Yes, he has like nine children, so I understand him trying to make some dough, but what happened to his money from Buffalo, Tennessee and Denver? Oh right, his nine kids. People, put a goddamn rubber on.

Bob Dylan's 1966 Concert Album reviewed by Nonsequitur

Eds. note: Transcribed below is Nonsequiturs inspired album review. It is printed in its entirety with some minor editing to balance the flow. Although it is entirely bombastic and in no way objective, his prose is an ode to Dylan and what he can mean to an informed listener. Basically, this is how you SHOULD feel about music, but probably don't. Without further ado, enjoy the review.


Artist: Bob Dylan
Album: 1966 - The “Royal Albert Hall” Concert (Bootleg Series: Volume 4)
Reviewer: Nonsequitor
Album Grade: A+

A genius in defiance, an insubordinate recluse, a misunderstood martyr, the image of the stage…Dylan is a god.

The kicker is…Bob Dylan’s 1966 “Royal Albert Hall” Concert (Bootleg Series: Volume 4), doesn’t even take place in Royal Albert Hall.

The concert actually took place from Manchester’s Free Trade Hall. “Royal Albert Hall” is captioned as a jab at bootleggers who have set the typical misnomer to the fabled show. No matter the space, time, or consignment, the sound is unadulterated Dylan – a channeling of majestic mire, bubbling from the belly of his acoustic guitar and spurting from the ass of his harp.

One prerequisite of this album, in addition to speakers, is that it needs to be played at a volume of at least 90% capacity – preferably with your eyes closed and a number of liquor shots inside of you. The listener must be fully immersed in the music, lest it fall betwixt flutters.

Dylan’s minstrel opening to the show begins with She Belongs to Me. The song verses are like a flower opening; absolutely beautiful, and once bloomed, as humble as a pup.

Dylan’s classic cacophony continues its cascading flow thru my gourd as the harp leads the way downtown on Fourth Time Around. In his sardonic attempt to color a coup of displaced lovers, Dylan paints a couple’s discourse; contemplating a relationship whose time has come to pass.

You Took me In
You Loved me Then
You didn’t Waste Time

I Never Took Much
I Never Asked for your Crutch
Now Don’t Ask for Mine

Visions of Johanna, at the time a new song to be released off of “Blonde on Blonde,” is more pronounced than the album version as Dylan drizzles the words and music across the stage like a slow-poured scotch. He takes his time all the while, and then proceeds to throw a boulder at your forehead with an insane illusion:

THE GHOST OF ELECTRICITY HOWLS IN THE BONES OF HER FACE

He quickly comes back down and his steady slow-hand groove swimmingly segues to It’s all Over Now Baby Blue, a bittersweet lullaby dimming with hope.

Suddenly, a twilight glimpse of speeding clouds reaches the apex of the horizon. A rolling herd strums from the strings of the guitar, a humbling cough is uttered…and EVERYTHING STOPS…..a tumbleweed rolls past your eyes….the opening verse of Desolation Row paralyzes the listener. The transcendent voice heard thru the tubes supplants morality. For this author, Dylan’s assault on my limbic stratosphere creates the definitive version of the song. The strongest performance of Desolation Row heard to date. It’s so natural it hurts a little. To point out specific stanzas, to plot out characters in this mystery, to explain the undertones, would blaspheme the gospel. The music stops. The applause erupts. Silence ensues.


Oh wait….wait, WAIT…..what are these frequencies slowly entering my wavelength? The personification of sound: tapping me on my shoulder…motioning me to follow…lifting me off my feet…floating me off thru the night. Just Like a Woman is a frayed angelic ballad that usually stops before my feet touch the ground. I lose myself in a strange house and exit without my things.

Tambourine Man then fills the void. The guitar hums like an early model T engine; getting just enough fuel injection to keep puttering along. He plays the song like Bob Ross brushes the canvas; rushing at points, punctuating at others – business as usual for LIVE Dylan. As he squiggles away on that harmonica, my ears start to tell the difference between his strides and those of mere mortals– it’s enthralling. Dylan surprises even himself as he goes thru the motions and stumbles on newborn arpeggios. He’s constantly reinventing the wheel. You wanna hear a robot with a pull string? You might be better off buying the Rick Springfield DVD.

Just one more gig? Forget it. Change it up – bounce it off the ceiling.

One thing to realize about LIVE Dylan is that you must completely embrace it. If you’re looking for a replication of the studio album, you might as well take up yoga. Your not gonna hear these songs on the radio, and you’re not gonna see them on TV – maybe PBS.


Dylan split the Manchester show into halves, a paradigm replicated on the album. The first half, a stripped acoustic/harp set conveying the boiled down versions of 7 classic numbers. The subdued showcase, spotlighting a humble Bob Dylan, casts a sight for sore eyes.

The latter portion of the album sets the stage with The Hawks as Dylan’s backing band for what would be his first, albeit partial, electric tour. The Hawks had formally been a backing band for the Canadian rockabilly group “Ronnie Hawkins and The Hawks.” The cast included Robbie Robertson, Rick Danko, Richard Manual, Garth Hudson, and the implanted Mick Jones (Levon Helm, the original Hawks drummer and member of The Band, sat out the European leg of the tour). The Hawks touring experience had been landlocked to North America until Dylan opportunistically absorbed the band with hopes of bringing electric currency to the folk festivals and hoedowns of America’s heartland – The times were indeed “a-changing.”

(Pictured below The Band aka The Hawks from left to right: Richard Manuel, Levon Helm, Rick Danko, Garth Hudson, and Robbie Robertson)

The juxtaposition of the seasoned Dylan with the young Hawks married old with new, provincial with high-fashion, chemistry with botany. The green Hawks quickly earned their keep from Dylan. By creating a dynamic wall of sound, they were able to pace Dylan’s complex locomotive-like arrangements which seemed to not only transform between shows, but between chord changes as well. The Hawks, who would later be known as just “The Band” once they split from Dylan, kept the backbeat subtle enough for Dylan to do his thing, but brackish enough to fulfill his prophecy. For Dylan is a Prophet, there was no question.

Bob Dylan saw the angelic face of folk music and sought to paint it red and black. Dylan wanted to change things up – he was growing frustrated and exceedingly bored with the art he had created. This incessant need to fulfill his inner musical nucleus led to what would be revered as his signature changes in key and tempo to his most beloved songs. His seemingly sacrilegious behavior in this instance would be rewarded with heckles and boos as one angry fan belted out “Judas!!!” from the crowd.

(The Band with Dylan)

The Hawks, as Dylan so eloquently exclaimed before Like a Rolling Stone, played “FUCKING LOUD.” These guys had nothing to lose. They didn’t mind the negative feedback from the audience, just so long as they could get their rocks off in style. Travelling from the dive bars of Toronto, they were now touring the States with a legend. When they were with Dylan they were something else, they certainly weren’t the Hawks, or the Eagles, or even a flying fucking Led Zeppelin…they were simply The Band – even though they didn’t know it yet.

Dylan’s prescience in these young Canadians would soon come to fruition as The Band kicked the door to the second set WIDE open with Tell Me Momma and ripped the head off of the bitch. Robertson chugged across the fretboard and came down with licks of the same soul caliber as that heard from the hootenannies of the south or the back bays of the gulf delta – certainly not from an electric telecaster strapped across a callow Canadian’s back. While the voice of the times would give this type of press to Eric Clapton’s solos coming from the UK at the time, the Indo-Jew Robertson created a real blues bite – and didn’t need a wah-wah pedal to do it. Rick Danko pounded on his bass like he was hammering it on the goddamned floor of the stage. Richard Manual and Garth Hudson's keys reinforced the sound like military silos. By the time the electric half is through I don’t know where I am, or what just happened…Baby Let Me Follow You Down, Tom Thumb’s Blues, One Too Many Mornings, and Ballad of a Thin Man are incendiary – paintings on a wall morph into one, forming into a rocket ship to ride mother nature’s silver seed into the sky.

Dylan provided his audience with exotic topics to explore in his music: racism, sexism, and drug abuse, among others. While the audience was trying to wrap their hands around his studio recordings, Dylan was constantly changing the style of his songs in his live concerts. It wasn’t received too well at first, even after he pumped it up to 11 and brought out The Band.

This “FUCK YOU” to pop culture was the first real origination of the HARD ROCK genre. Previously you had Chuck Berry’s, Elvis Presley’s, and the Beatles’ “Rock and Roll,” which was “cool” and “catchy” and even “the devils music” to a certain extent. But, it wasn’t no HARD ROCK. Dylan and The Band’s music was so irreverent that it initially drove away the fickle nature of what had become his core “poppy” audience – possibly his intention all along.

(Dylan gets the Beatles high--Nothing would be the same)

Dylan inculcates his audience with poetry...his beguiling and insidious specter. The Beatles (THE rock and roll band) would become entranced with this phenomenon and explore it heartily after hot-boxing with Dylan in 1964 NYC. The four-piece from Liverpool would soon after shed their happy go lucky early hits of the MOD era and supplant them with drug ballads that got high and never really came back down. Whereas the Beatles would include purposefully over-arranged orchestras and a theatrical presence to most of their music, Dylan relied on his war-torn harp and acoustic to water the fields and his engendering voice to shake the seed.

NO MORE

Things were different now, and Dylan had gotten in early. Soon after Dylan rattled both the acoustic and electric cages, he opened the doors for others like Neil Young and David Bowie. He built a stepping stool to the 70’s counter culture, and then became the 70’s counter culture. Fuck Disco and Fuck Peter Frampton.

Nowadays, Dylan sounds like a broken radiator. Is it better to burn out or to fade away? Either way you look at it, Life is short. Bob Dylan was some huckleberry Minnesota yokel motherfucker who took some piece of shit acoustic guitar and created a World.

What do you bring to the table?